Monday, March 26, 2007

I'm still shaking...

ok people, this is the most horrible picture I have ever taken but it's probably because I was shaking with fear at finding the World's Largest South American Cockroach in my silverware draw. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" Did you hear me scream when I opened the drawer? OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! Because of the altitude, we do live in a relatively bug free environment with the exception of silver fish which seem to thrive in every nook and cranny of everyones home. Now for those of you who know me, or have killed bugs for me in the past, you can imagine that I was instantly sweating profusely as I tried to determine just how to rid myself of this near 3" monstrosity My second thought however after the "OH MY GOODNESS", was "how can I quick get a picture for the DP family?" As far as photo ops go, he was perched quite well on a bright Tupperware lid for a child's glass and he really was showing himself well - all 6" of him...but by the time I dashed to get my camera (here is where some dramatic creepy music comes in)...he WAS GONE. I instantly picked up the phone to call my husband, certain that he would have some sort of secret XRay vision that could transcend all the way from his work to help me find it. Alas, I am sorry to say that he was useless...except that he encouraged me several times to go and ask Manuel, our wonderful building caretaker to come and help me.


I thought I could be self sufficient however and so put on my super industrial strength orange rubber gloves (nothing can transcend the glove...), the longest, heaviest jeans I own and some big shoes (I know, I know, Mom and Dad, you are remembering now the snake incident in your basement many odd years ago - think the new owners ever replaced the toilet that we broke with the sledgehammer?). I was also armed with a can of Raid that had approximately one spray left in it. I was ready.


After poking around in the silverware drawer with a long handled spoon and realizing it was not there (IT WAS NOT THERE!), I then pulled out the draw next to it (the towel/wash cloth drawer) and gingerly began shaking each item in there. Nope, no cucaracha there either. "Oh my land, it's getting serious..." I thought "he has moved to the food cupboard." Knowing the food cupboard was much deeper and fuller than the silverware drawer, this called for the long handled broom which I used to move items to the front of the cupboard before removing them with my rubber gloved hand to put on the kitchen floor. Too many long moments later...there he was, all 10" of him, lurking in the far back corner of the cupboard wiggling his antenna at me as if to say "you can't catch me scaredy girl". He didn't know I had one small spray of Raid. Before spraying however, I quickly took aim with my camera, cursed the fact that he had chosen the darkest place to hide and took the photo - you see how well it turned out. After the photo I picked up my can of Raid, aimed carefully and sprayed mightily. He MOVED! He RAN! He leaped over tall soup cans and fell behind a LOT of things that I was not in any way shape or form going to move to try and find him and so I ran...ran to find Manuel.


Into the elevator I dove praying that Señor Cockroach was still stunned by said small spray of Raid and not running to jump onto my pillow. As the elevator door opened, there before my eyes bless his heart, was Manuel AND our landlady. "Manuel! Ayudame POR FAVOR! Hay una insecta GRANDE en mi cocina!!!" (Help me PLEASE! There is a HUGE bug in my kitchen"). Well, good ol' Manuel, he has helped me before when we had one of those gigantic moths in our house (doesn't anything come in a small size here??) and so he smiled that smile of his that says "Ah, Señora Lisa, you are a funny Gringa but I will help you." So up we all went. Back in my kitchen, we were all just sort of looking at the cupboard when all of a sudden he fell out of the cupboard and onto the floor. He was a good 12" in length. Of course I screamed and scared the bageebees out of everyone, but at least they were alerted to the fact that I had found him. Manuel grabbed one skinny little paper towel and caught him as he was running across the kitchen floor and then grabbed one other skinny one too - I guess to smoosh him with - I couldn't watch.
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All in all, it was VERY traumatic...can you tell? The landlady said they come in on bananas and I said "we haven't had bananas for a looooong time", and she pretty much said "well, they're tiny when they ride in on a banana...did you happen to notice the size of that one?" hm, right, point well taken. I guess he's been hiding for awhile. Anyway, Manuel smiled that smile again, the land lady gave me a hug and I was left with my shaking hands...which by now have recovered as I've been writing...but I still have to upload the photo which means I'm going to have to see him again. Perhaps I'll refrain from looking...I think he's crawling up my arm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is your Father speaking, who never did fix the broken sledgehammered toilet. Couldn't you have gotten a BETTER picture of this creature? I would think a bug that is, How Long 18"?, could have been so blurry. I don't understand how you could not have gotten a better picture. I mean, we in USA have never seen one quite like this one. Maybe next time you will SLOW DOWN a little bit, AIM, SHOOT CAREFULLY, then DOWNLOAD without thinking about the bug crawling up your ARM.
Dad A

The Wellspring said...

Sorry I couldn't deliver a good picture Pops...If I find another one I'll have Manuel wrap it up and mail it to you so you can see it in person. ;)

queltica said...

I spent my childhood in Ecuador, and forever after the measure of how americanized we had become was if we were freaked out by bugs - someone in the family would inevitably say, "You've been in the States too long!" =) Fun story, and I totally understand! IW!!

pastorrick said...

LOL I just loved the banter between you and Pop's

H & L said...

You know my luck with roaches, so this post just grossed me out. I have had a cockroach on my arm, and it's NOT fun.

Sorry about the broken toilet, Dad. At least you have ONE daughter who will try to take care of the snakes and insects that the OTHER women in the family won't touch! :)

Lor

Dsole said...

Oh my dear, i really enjoyed with your post! I'm sorry to hear that you suffer a lot but your story was soooo complete and I enjoyed reading it a lot ;)
Just I'm trying to imagine the scene.. a can of Raid in a gloved hand, a camera in the other hand, searching desperately for the cucaracha... funny

photowannabe said...

This was just plain entertaining Lisa. I know, not for you but you had me grinning from ear to ear as I read it. We say some really huge creepy crawlies while we were in Haiti and Wolf spiders as big as the palm of my hand. I can feel my skin crawl just thinking about it.

isabella said...

I am shaking too...but from laughter! Excellent suspenseful story! I am proud of you for getting your priority straight - first take a photo, then slay the (2 foot?)monster. You are truly one of us ;-)

Kate said...

That poor little defenseless bug kept getting longer and longer and bigger amd bigger as your tale unfolded.

blueboat said...

well done - a brilliant horror story & a wonderfully surreal monster (I love the way he increases in size). I'll try to forget about this before I go to sleep tonight...

Ming_the_Merciless said...

When the world ends, the only things that will survive are cockroaches and CHER. :-)

I hate cockroaches too. They are just nasty. ECK!

Kala said...

I couldnt even read this, it was so creepy - yikes!!!